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“I’m working on a memoir . Do you know what a memoir  is?”

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Gosh golly gee no, asshat. I do not know what a memoir is. The University employs me to help people better their writing because I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing or anything about writing or literature!

And then there was the time I was complaining on facebook about a certain mansplainin’ rape apologizing racist loudmouthed asspanda. And a man then helpfully mansplained to me why I should just walk away serene in my evolved state and perform femininity better (read in a way that makes said man more comfortable/less scared).

Because, did you know, dames, we can just fucking opt out of the patriarchy by like, being better than it? Yeah, I’m better than existing in public. I will now be serene in my evolved state. Or deep in the outback. Or in Antarctica. Don’t the penguins have gender equality?

I think they do. That is the saddest part of this day. The fucking penguins have gender equality. My husband is out of town, the ankle that I messed up last week is still messed up, stupid douche-canoes feel free to float in, winkingly ask what they have to do to get help with their paper, sit down and inform me they might stink with hawt manliness because they like, just went running, and then ask my distinguished lady colleague if she knows what a fucking memoir is.

And the fucking penguins have already achieved the feminist dream.

Fucking Penguins.


About Pepper

Pepper Lee Hales is a twenty something, married, vicious feminist liberal. She likes dogs, cats, spiders, epistemics and cake.

3 responses »

  1. Now, I realize that I am making many gross assumptions but… why is this person already writing a memoir??

    Ugh. Yes. Let’s not complain about anything, or argue about anything, or challenge anything, or change anything because that would mean we’d be stooping to their level. Right.

    Argue? Complain? Challenge? Who, ME? Don’t you see my duster and apron? I’m too well-behaved, I mean good for such things! Instead, my ladybrain would like to know what you’d like for dinner!

  2. Well, I was sitting near them, and my impression was that it was a personal narrative essay that he was calling a memoir for some reason. His screed detailed his mission trip to Mexico, which, as Pepper pointed out–MEXICO IS ONE OF THE MOST OVERWHELMINGLY CATHOLIC COUNTRIES IN THE WORLD WHAT DO THEY NEED MISSIONARIES FOR ZOMG. I might be wrong about that though. Pepper? The floor is yours.

  3. No No No you two!

    nikki, nikki, nikki– your ladybrain doesn’t just want to know what the asspandas of the world want for dinner, it also wants to know how best to sexually service them and trick them into marrying you and giving you the babyeeeeeez! Get it right!

    As for YOU, Paprika… Well. It’s time that you realized that what Mexico needs is not that Papist hocus pocus but some good old fashioned fire and brimstone Jesusing! Now, I don’t want to hear any of your claims about how Catholicism is the oldest for of christianity or how Jesus is from the new testament. Take your bibble babble elsewhere, you witch-whore-librul-feminist!


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