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Why I’m a Blogging Fail

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Computer: No hard drive detected!

Paprika: Dude, what?

Computer: Ha! Your life is gonna suck.

Paprika: Oh, fuck off. I’ll just replace you.

Checking account: Uh, no. No, you won’t.

Paprika: You’re an asshole.

Checking account: Yeah.

Paprika: No worries. I’ll just fill you back up with tip money.

Springs1 Clone: What, you mean MY money? Oh heavens no.

Paprika: Yeah but—

Springs1 Clone: Also, these fries are tragically subpar.

Paprika: Well, um.

Springs1 Clone:  Also, I want a margarita with Grand Marnier and no sweet and sour.

Paprika: You must be joking.

Homework Mountain: Hi!

Springs1 Clone:  You seem distracted. Are you high? And where’s my ranch, you asshole?

Homework Mountain: Hi!

Computer: Hi, Paprika’s homework! Man, isn’t complicating Paprika’s life fun?

Checking account: I know, right?

Homework Mountain: Hi!

Springs1 Clone: This soda isn’t nearly carbonated enough, and these pre-packed plastic cups of half-and-half should be fuller, and you deserve to be sexually harassed.

Boss at Restaurant: Hey, Paprika! I fucked up the schedule again! Just for you, lovey.

Paprika: God damn it. Why are you such a dick, anyway?

Boss’s Useless Floppy-Haired Son:  I’m too stoned to take tables tonight.

Paprika: I would like a cup of tea.

Empty Box of Tea: And what exactly makes you think I can help you with that?

Springs1 Clone: Hey, you know who wants tea? Me. I would like tea. I would like it microwaved, then poured over ice, because that makes no sense at all.

Homework Mountain: Hi!

Christmas Tree:  /falls over for no discernible reason

Paprika: Oh, fuck off, all of you.


About Paprika

Paprika Davis is a perpetually annoyed twenty-something college student waitress who would rather be a squirrel. The lack of commas in the previous sentence bothers her, but her laziness overrides her desire to improve the writing.

One response »

  1. At least you make all the shit funny. I just chuckled alone in my cubicle.

    Oh, Christmas Tree.


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