RSS Feed

Why Do People Keep Shitting All Over My Facebook, Yo?

Posted on

You know, some of my Facebook friends are not that bright–and some are goddamn obnoxious. (These two qualities have a tendency to overlap.) But the ones that annoy me, I hide. If they really piss me off, I delete them. You know what I don’t do, though? Swan in on their Facebooks and squawk about they’re wrong about evvvverything and they don’t know stuff about stuff and god, seriously, if they have all these strong strong opinions, why aren’t they better activists?!

You know who does do that, though? My Facebook friends.

One of them did it here; he was publicly flamed and blocked me in a fit of entitled white male fury.  And a couple days ago, a NEW logic fail was erected–and subsequently toppled–on my page. I’m red; Pepper is yellow; the first contrarian, a dude, is blue; and the second, a lady, is green. (Her picture is obscured because it features one of her children. See?–I’m only a part-time asshole.)


Is it possible for a man to be raped by a woman?! Well, despite the fact that my stepmother is on trial for sodomy down in the southeast (Flannery O’Connor wrote my fucking life, I swear), I say: of course not. Has never happened, nuh-uh. No wai, guiz!!

Prepare yourself for my avalanche of misandry!

Oh, and now it really gets special. Two lady feminists, gettin’ schooled in sexism by a privileged white dude!

So, to recap: despite the fact that I never identified myself as a rape survivor (since, you know, I’m not), I’m publicly airing my victim laundry all over Facebook. And so, operating under the assumption that I am a) a victim, and b) using my past experience to make a point about rape, the only logical conclusion to be drawn is that I’m totally privileging my experience over everyone else’s, and using my trauma as an excuse to become a dude-hating 21st century Valerie Solanas.

No, wait…that doesn’t sound right.

And then there’s Contrarian #2, who thinks I just don’t know what I be talking abouts, and also, why don’t I stop bitching and start a revolution? Well, I’ll get to that in a moment. But for the record, um, if you’re going to criticize someone’s level of social activism, you’d better be fucking amazing. You’d better be Gandhi.

Contrarian #1 has officially bowed out. Contrarian #2, however, is about to board the condescension train and head straight into Piss-Off-Paprika-ville.

And then, silence. Chirping of crickets, chill night air. A metaphorical raven fell to the ground and lay there, gasping–with broken entitlement wings and a logic arrow lodged in his shoulder. Or something.


About Paprika

Paprika Davis is a perpetually annoyed twenty-something college student waitress who would rather be a squirrel. The lack of commas in the previous sentence bothers her, but her laziness overrides her desire to improve the writing.

4 responses »

  1. I’d really like to see that manual, but your link is broken.

  2. Ah, sorry. This should work: The part about sexual assault starts at the bottom of page nine.

  3. Holy Shit. Thirty activities telling people to treat alcohol with respect. Treating women with respect, zero.

    Also a footnote saying don’t get raped, and a big bold notice passing all responsibility onto scary Registered Sex Offenders.

    Lesson to take home: Don’t get drunk and embarrass the university, and oh yeah, don’t get raped and embarrass the university.

    Typical. Needs changing.

  4. Oh, well, if ladies would just not act like drunk sluts this wouldn’t be such a problem, amirite? That manual is infuriating. I love how they go into great detail about what you should do in the event of a burglary, but rape? Uh, doesn’t happen. Bitches be lying.

    And then there’s the vague language and the passive voice–making it sound like rape is just something that happens when the weather is right for it. Like a cloudburst. If only ladies would remember their umbrellas.

    Then again, what do I know? I’m sexist against the menz.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: