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Monthly Archives: April 2011

My Cryptic Rant

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You know, I’m starting to think that the majority of people just don’t understand what free speech is. Tell someone to stop harassing you? You’re suppressing their speech. Deny someone the right to pontificate on one particular forum, after giving them numerous warnings about the kind of behavior you will and will not tolerate? You just kicked the first amendment right in the balls. Criticize someone for saying stupid shit with no supporting evidence? Oh, you clearly only support free speech if you agree with the arguments being presented.

Seriously now, freedom of speech does not equal freedom from criticism. You don’t get to make asinine, unsupported claims, and then bitch when someone points out that you’re being an idiot. Actually, by trying to shut those people down, you are attempting to suppress their free speech. All aboard the hypocrisy train!

And also, I mean, come on. So you’re not allowed to spew your bullshit on one forum. That doesn’t mean you can’t spew at all. The world is full of soap boxes; just find another, and make stupid comments from there. If you harass people on one forum, even going so far as to say that we should feel “threatened” by you and your big scary business major man brain, you have lost your right to speak on that forum. And if you are banned from a forum for being a harassing piece of shit, don’t up the ante by harassing the person who banned you through private messages.

Man, what an asshole.

The rest of you morons—stop making us repeat ourselves. We have stated the same facts over, and over, and over again, and still you’re bouncing up and down and yelling “I don’t understaaaaand.” Well then, you’re either an idiot, or you’re not listening, or both; either way, it is not our fucking problem. And don’t play devil’s advocate. It’s an insult to the people who actually give a shit about the proposal being disputed.

Stop being all, “the administration has an open door communication policy! Why didn’t you take advantage of it before?” We didn’t take advantage of it before because we didn’t know we needed to. These decisions were made behind closed doors; did you really expect us to magically intuit what was happening? We were quick to become involved once the information was made public. What more could you possibly expect?

If you don’t know what an ad hominem attack is, don’t accuse us of making them.

Don’t ask us to prove the value of the humanities to you. I, for one, refuse to do it—it should be a given, and if you honestly don’t believe they’re worth protecting, we’re never going to convince you to join our side anyway. I will say this, though: I’m seeing a troubling tendency to prioritize athletics over academics, and that’s a bunch of bullshit. I mean, personally, I think athletes are a drain on society—they contribute nothing to the world beyond entertainment, and they make an absurd amount of money to do so. Athletes are just entertainers with impressive bodies, and that’s fine—people like to be entertained, and performers naturally have the right to profit from that—but there is no way in hell they should make as much money as they do. Everyone has the right to live comfortably, including athletes and other performers, but they shouldn’t be making any more money than someone who works for, say, Greenpeace. So.

Colleges exist to educate people, and prioritizing athletics over academics is a disgusting maneuver (which shouldn’t need to be said, but there you are). And please, news reporters, represent our positions correctly. Please mention the exorbitant amount of money being funneled into the new NCAA program at the expense of the humanities. This isn’t a budget crisis—it’s completely manufactured, and is a clear attempt to crush the liberal arts further. Which violates our goddamn mission statement anyway.

Seriously you guys, this shit is fucking exhausting.

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Knowledge is so Destabilizing

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Firstly, sorry we’ve been away from our beloved castle of ZING and BURN.

Paprika and I have been busy dealing with the fallout of some state legislature based anti-intellectualist fuckery in our University.

Basically, the humanities are in the crosshairs, as usual. I don’t have a lot to say about things right now, but this? This is some fuckery.

You guys won’t be interested with the gory details, and I don’t have the energy to explain the whole thing, suffice it say– red state asshattery at it’s finest. First you manufacture a budget crisis, then you use that “crisis” as a tool to dismantle structures which might foster dissent toward your bullshit. Works like a goddamn charm. Except that it creates a brain drain. We don’t have a whole lot of brains to spare in South Dakota (no, seriously, by sheer numbers. We have a population of only about 800,000 here), and most of the young people leave as soon as they can, because there are no jobs. I know both of us here are P&P will be relocating in the next couple of years.

This. But in the crosshairs. Noooooo!

But there’s something interesting to me about anti-intellectualism and gender. It is a well documented phenomenon that as soon as women begin making significant inroads into a specific field, that field suddenly loses much of luster and funding. This is as true in the sciences as it is in the humanities. Biology and English (my degree!) are very much perceived as girly, especially certain subsets of such, and are also chronically underfunded.

In our  current atmosphere of authoritarian dick waving,  there is no doubt that, in public discourse, this is some hippie shit. Bio is for the fucking tree huggers, and English is for the fucking pointy headed elites, amirite? Biology is destabilizing and threatening because it reveals the bare truth about the natural world– it is alive, and we are inextricably bound up with it, full stop. Mass extinction affects us too.

English is destabilizing because– well. People write. Unauthorized people. People of color, genderqueer and transgendered, gays and lesbians, even us filthy commie pinko feminists. A literate population well trained in the art of critical thinking and argumentation is worse than useless for the authoritarians.

Indeed.

Both of these are destabilizing because they are fields in which the critical contributions of women have gone well past the tipping point– one can no longer insist that it is simply a few outstandingly “masculine” women who have managed to transcend the terrible curse of the vagina to produce important scholarly work. There are just too many outstanding biologists and writers and professors and scholars who are not white het cismen for that argument to fly.

The solution of course, has led to a weird sort of dissonance. They’ve painted themselves into a corner of sorts, by clinging fiercely to math, engineering and physics as the only really worthwhile subjects, because mighty wang power. Soon enough, even that will be gone, and the howls of the Kay Hymowitz’s of the world will increase tenfold. How are (these imaginary) men to figure out who they are what they ought to do without someone inferior to compare themselves to!?

So I think this fuckery is gendered. I think it’s racist. I think it’s homophobic and transphobic. I think it’s all about silencing dissent.

I don’t believe that the highest human purpose is cooking books and pushing money higher up the food chain, stamping out widgets and boot licking and living small stifled fearful little lives, isolated and boxed in, afraid to eat, afraid to have sex, afraid to say the wrong thing, afraid to step out of line, fed spoonfuls of the most trite and banal entertainment, kept exhausted and ill, and breeding. I have all of the scholars and writers and scientists who came before to thank for my lack of belief in the ugly little world that I’m being told is my birthright. I honor them by fighting, even if it’s a losing fight.

 

Spring Theme Change, Social Vibe and My Pets!

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OHAI all!

So, Paprika and I were getting sick of our winter layout, and so we decided to  brighten things up. It’s springy and cheerful and we like it. We also decided to update our header to reflect that this is not a 101 space, in the hopes of avoiding any further unpleasantness on that front. We also added a social vibe thingy to our sidebar because dress for success is an awesome charity, and we hope that you’ll click through and do their silly advert activities for a good cause.

Now, enjoy pictures of my pets!

Hi, I'm Schuster and I am made of Sproings and Bouncings. I am totally not at all as skeptical as I look in this picture, in fact, I am perhaps the most helplessly naive thing since Candide

Satsuki the water cat who lives in the bathtub doubts you. Yes, she doubts the very existence of you.

Sakura, being regal and queenly. Probably thinking of food. No, definitely.

Suzu, our own personal General Macarthur in the war against the Robins, will have none of your nonsense.

No, you definitely don't exist.

In Which Paprika Proposes Some Much-Needed Constitutional Ammendments

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Earlier today, I told one of my friends that, had I been born a rich white dude, I would probably be a complete ass. Add an unhealthy dose of privilege to my naturally uncompromising nature, and you have a born wannabe dictator. But I’m also OCD, so the type of regulations I would put in place would be…well. Basically, they would force the world to enable me in my dysfunction. And they would be largely language-based, because I have a love of words that borders on the fetishistic.

Take the word “subversive.” I propose that people who want to use this word be required to prove they can do so correctly, at which point they will receive a license allowing them to use it in every day speech. Misuse of the word will carry ramifications similar to those posed by a DUI conviction: offenders will be required to undergo corrective counseling and will have their licenses temporarily suspended, and repeated offenses will ultimately result in the permanent loss of the offender’s license. If, for example, a licensed citizen were to say “man, Howard Stern is totally subversive and stuff,” that person would have to take a class on the subject of Oh for the Fuck of Shit, Reinforcing Tired Stereotypes About Marginalized Groups is Not Fucking Subversive, So Shut the Hell Up Already.  Failure to complete this class successfully would end in the offender’s public castigation, and he would be immortalized for all eternity on the Wall of Non-Subversive Shame.

On a more serious note, I also propose a rule about What You Can Say to People In Re: Their Bodies, the answer to which is Basically Nothing. If someone asks you something body-related, fine (although you should be careful about what you say); if you have an understanding with someone about what you can and cannot say, that’s cool too. But otherwise, you need to shut the hell up. Because it doesn’t matter whether you’re complimenting or criticizing—either way, it is none of your damn business, and you have no idea how the person you’re bothering with your unsolicited opinion will react. As someone who has never dealt with full-on ED, but who does have basically constant food-related anxiety, I do not want to hear what you think about my body. I don’t want to hear that it’s heavier than yours (seriously gramma, stop with the bi-yearly weigh-ins); I don’t want to hear that it’s thin; I don’t want to hear that it’s totally great and healthy. It’s not that I don’t care (trust me, I do), it’s just that I don’t want to think about it. This should be common fucking courtesy, but it’s not, so here we all are.

Furthermore, I propose that Christopher Hitchens be silenced forever, on account of the fact that he is a flaming bag of flaccid cocks. What few interesting things he has to say can be—and have been—said by other, less assholey people. Allowing Christopher Hitchens to continue pontificating from his lectern of douche does the world no favors, and in my personal kingdom, he would be barred from doing so. Hitchens would be banned from all forms of communication, including interpretive dance, and anyone found parroting his relentlessly misogynistic views would have their freedom of speech suspended, and possibly permanently revoked. Hitchens’ charming cottage in Intellectualville would be passed on to Chris Hedges, who is very smart and actually deserves it.

Per Pepper’s suggestion, my dictator-self would also institute a licensing program for the word “female,” mandating that the word be used solely as a modifier unless the speaker is explicitly referring to any and all beings considered female. Unlike the regulations regarding the use of “subversive,” however, the repercussions would entail brief imprisonment (up to six months) for the first offense, with subsequent offenses resulting in increasingly longer imprisonments. This seemingly unfair punishment carries the benefit of silencing the majority of MRAs, who love to refer to “men” and “females,” suggesting that female humans are not noticeably different from, say, a female muskrat.

In my fantastical dictatorship, bombings against abortion clinics, and all similar offenses, would be prosecuted as domestic terrorism. Protesters would lose their right to agitate outside abortion clinics, because when they shout after women entering those clinics they are not protesting the government, they’re harassing women for obtaining a legal medical procedure. Anti-choice protesters would thus be relegated to screaming themselves hoarse outside actual government offices, and women could go on exercising their freedom to rid their bodies of what amounts to non-viable parasites.

Finally, all users who get to our blog with search terms like “horse fucking lady” and “facebook sluts” would be banned from reading our blog. The person who arrived here by way of the search term “y’all let them steal your tea,” however, would be given a nice hot cup of lavender earl grey.

Pepper returns to talk about how evo-psych continues to be ridiculous. News at 11.

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Oh you guys. I’ve been on sort of a brief, painful hiatus, and Paprika has done an admirable job of providing content people actually enjoy reading while I’ve been gone. But, fear not, I have come back with long wordy posts about how much I fucking hate evo psychers.

Did I mention I fucking hate evo psychers? Especially Psychology Today?. Oh I won’t link directly to them, because they are way into misogyny hate publicationville for me at this point, and also crap crap crap crap scienceville.  Odd how those neighborhoods are so close to each other huh?

So, for some background reading, click on the Jezebel article about the Psychology Today Shitshow.

Also, see another pertinent article on Jezebel about sexual dimorphism.

Oh, and another report of a study on a website that is not a shitshow that suggests that feminists have better sex .

Ok, first, for psychology today– fuck you guys, no seriously. Secondly:

Observe the pelvis, cause its important

So, psychology today whips out some bullshit about female norwegian rats and how they are supposedly sexually submissive

Consider Rattus norvegicus, the Norwegian rat. The female performs stereotyped physical actions associated with sexual interest. First is pacing: running and stopping, inducing a male to chase her. This culminates in lordosis: assuming a submissive stationary posture with arched back and raised hips. Lordosis is controlled by a specific region of the hypothalamus, a subcortical brain structure. An analogous part of the brain controls submission postures in female primates.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

You guys, I have never SEEN such a shitshow of projection, and pure ignorance of the physiological reasons for a certain behavior that has buck fucking all to do with “submission” as humans know it.

I want you to notice something in the picture up there– it is literally impossible for rats to fuck in ANY position but female on bottom male on top. There is no other for penetration to occur, and rats don’t fuck for fun, so penetration is important. Also, rats form familial social groups, and are aggressive to outsiders.

But!

They need genetic diversity, and so female rats in estrus must also find outgroup mates, to avoid incest. This means that for both male and female rats, stereotypical mating behaviors have NOTHING to do with submission and dominance, and EVERYTHING to do with “we need to fuck, lets fuck without hurting each other.” Every step of the process is about sending signals to that effect, because otherwise things can get ugly and the fitness of both parties can be decreased. Rats, unlike humans, DO NOT FUCK FOR PLEASURE. Rats, unlike most humans, WILL EAT EACH OTHER.

Spiders are like that too, and OHAI WHATS THAT I SEE STEREOTYPED MATING BEHAVIORS BUT BUT BUT spiders fuck in a variety of ways depending on species. Tarantulas fuck face to face, aaaaw how romantic and equal, except males must hold the fangs of the female in a stereotyped way to avoid BEING EATEN.

Ah, the pure romance...of surviving to fuck another day.

Reading animal sexual behavior as mirroring human sexual behavior is stupid. Just pure projection and stupidity. As I have already written about in excruciating detail– male dominance in harem groups is probably not “dominance” in the way we think of it at all. Trust, a male lion does NOT have those bitches under his thumb. He is a sperm donor, and he is replaceable, and will be replaced many many times. Same thing with primate groups where males are, uh, “dominant.”

When you are replaceable to your social group, you are not sitting pretty, you are not favored, you are, biologically speaking, at the very bottom of the heap. Sure, as long as you’re young you may be well fed and cared for, for breeding purposes, but you are essentially a gigolo. This is not a position humans equate with power.

So, fucking Lollerskates psych today. Humans are quite closely related to bonobo’s also, who exhibit female dominance but you know, inconvenient!

Let’s move on. Beyond the shitshow of bad fake science and wildly implausible justifications through projection into poor innocent rats, we get into unverified claims that woman are wired for submission.

WIRED! HA HA HA HA OH I BET YOU WISH IT WERE TRUE PSYCHOLOGY TODAY BUT IF IT WERE THEN YOU WOULDN’T BE WRITING THIS SHIT WOULD YOU?

In fact, the article starts by claiming

Twice as many women as men report trouble getting turned on. Health professionals report that low desire is the most common sexual complaint they hear from women. Though several factors specific to the design of the female brain contribute to this problem

DO YOU HEAR THAT GIRLS? OUR BRAINS ARE DEFECTIVE FOR THE SEXXORING!

Let me tell you something interesting– most women I have known, of many ages, have had no problem getting turned on, except for when they had a partner who treated them like shit, and/or were bombarded by informationa bout how hideously ugly and totally awful their bodies are. In point of fact, I am one of those women.

Oddly, I had trouble getting turned on for a whiny, terribly, patriarchal asshat of a man who was also selfish and shit in bed. WEEEEEEEIIIIIIIRD IT MUST BE MAH BROKED LADYBRAINS!

Now, they are also using a lot of nonsensical examples of old school rapey romances without controlling AT ALL for the culture of shame around female sexuality. They don’t acknowledge the huge changes that have taken place in the genre at all, and how you know, hot non rapey sex scenes have not somehow caused the downfall of the genre. In fact, romances are the only genre still selling like hotcakes. But that’s irrelevant to women’s sexuality I’m sure.

You can find more about this on figleaf’s blog, and on the smart bitches trashy books blog. They are so full of shit. That’s all I can say.

Don’t worry men!

YOU ARE NOT EXEMPT FROM THE SHIT SLINGING (they learned it from the primates). Did you know that culture doesn’t exist, and the majority of women have submission fantasies, not because our culture HATES WOMEN’S SEXUALITY (and women as a whole), or because they are conciously doing BDSM power play, but because HARD WIRED.

But!

Men are just naturally dominant. This is exhibited by much porn which re-enforces rape tropes. Oh, I don’t believe all men are natural born rapists. No feminist I know does. But these assholes sure do.

Oh and you know, nature does a strict binary. Ahem. Oh and also, they don’t even touch the huge number of women who are incredibly interested in yaoi/gay porn. Because where the fuck does that fit into their bullshit hypothesis that we all secretly live on Gor? Nowhere. And that won’t do.

Anyhow. It’s a shitshow. I’ve established that.

So, let’s talk about where they are getting the shit they are slinging, culture wise. I hope you clicked that link about sexual dimorphism, it’s important.

Women and men look more alike than they used to, in the years after the spread of christianity, but before the industrial revolution.

This means a few things–

It’s likely that women had access to less food, or food of a poorer quality than men. That’s pretty awful, but it’s a common occurence in very patriarchal cultures around the world. Access to nutrition is a huge predictor of maternal and infant mortality rates, which would help explain some of the reasons why a natural process like childbirth was more dangerous than going off to war back in ye olden tymes.

It would also help to explain perceptions of low female intelligence– consistently hungry people don’t have much brain fuel (with respect to those who suffer ED’s, and the two situations should *not* be conflated). I would add that this explains perceptions of the lower classes as unintelligent too. It’s a self sustaining shitshow! Whee!

So, you know, they starved us, and then blamed us for acting like starving people. AWESOME.

But, like I’ve been saying all along, this suggests to me that sexual dimorphism in human ethnic groups is fairly small, under ideal nutritional and cultural circumstances. Yes, a 6’5″ swedish guy is huge compared to a 5′ vietnamese woman, but that is environmental and not some eternal truth about male dominance and female submission and HARD WIRING. That swedish guy is also huge compared to an average vietnamese guy. And his sister is huge compared to that average vietnamese guy’s wife. You see where I’m going with this.

We have major cultural baggage built around our perceptions of the biological “reality” of sex and gender, and those perceptions are hugely influenced by manipulated conditions. Yeah, we have sexual dimorphism, but it’s not nearly to the degree that we are led to believe.

Basically, all sexes are more alike than we are different. Brain wise, body wise, and so on. Because we are social creatures who co-parent, and have a lot of sex, because we fuck for funsies.

We are one of only a few animals that do that, which is why I get SO ANNOYED that this huge important adaptation does not appear anywhere in any evo-psych hypothesis I’ve ever read.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     Look, at some point, humans adapted to fuck because OMG orgasms are fucking sweet. In fact, this adaptation was so strong, and so important, that ovulation became cryptic, so women could get men to fuck them whenever they wanted. This is a big fucking deal (heh), because it is directly opposed to the kind of behavior you see in male animals in species that are subject to strong sexual selection– males won’t even try to fuck females that aren’t ovulating, because females don’t want to, and that shit is really dangerous.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Take Norwegian rats for instance– if a male tries to mount and “dominate” a non-ovulating female? She is quite likely to flip over on her belly and scratch his underbelly open. She does not want to fuck when she has not initiated fucking, and that’s pretty much how it is in nature. Some species have sexual selection to allow males to subvert female sexual choice, (ducks, famously) and so the genitalia and behavior of those species reflects this “arms race” of sexual selection. Some spiders are like this, too.

But humans? Oh no. Humans love to fuck.

Anytime, anyplace, it is on (with respect to asexuals, who are in no way abnormal or wrong, just part of the spectrum of the human experience). Humans like to give each other orgasms, and give ourselves orgasms. Which means that reproduction has become the product, rather than the goal of human mating behavior.

I know this probably seems like a petty semantic issue– but it’s a huge thing, biologically speaking, that we will fuck without floods of hormones and rigid “I promise not to kill you and eat your corpse” behaviors. We as a species don’t appear to be looking for much in the way of markers of fitness in our sex lives, because making babies is secondary to getting our rocks off, broadly speaking. This is why old people, infertile people, gay people, you know, normal people, continue fucking long after the possibility of reproduction is exhausted.

Evo-psychers completely ignore this key adaptation, because it directly subverts the patriarchal meme that women hate sex, women receive no pleasure from sex, women are for desiring and do not desire, sex is something men take from women, women fuck only for babies, and on, and on, and on. It also subverts the idea that men fuck to spread their seed, because men will happily fuck a variety of fertile and infertile women, and women that aren’t ovulating and women who are.  And you know, that men fuck to dominate. That just makes no goddamned sense except in the context of a culture where penetration=domination. Also, you know, gay people. Whoops, all your sciencing is garbage!

Pleasure is radically equitable.

And at the end of the day, no matter how many mate selection knots and lady submission man dominance knots they tie themselves into, they can’t get past that fact. Pleasure ensures that there will always be plenty of humans, better than any kind of sexual selection ever could, and pleasure in fucking means that men and women, queer and straight, young and old, on and off the gender presentation binary, well, we all ultimately have the same sexual goal, and that?

That is just fucking terrifying, amirite?

Rape Is Not a Property Crime, But Even If It Were…

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I never robbed that bank.

Look, I know what you’ve heard, but what you’ve heard is a bunch of lies. Just listen to me.

I got a checking account with that bank, and things were going really well, and that bank said I would be eligible for a business loan at some point, which was awesome. I’ve been wanting to start a restaurant, and I wanted that bank to be an integral part of my future.

So I applied for a business loan and got turned down. Me—turned down. I don’t understand why, I mean, I hadn’t done anything wrong. I never trash-talked that bank. I never considered going back to my old bank, or finding a new bank—I was loyal to that bank. But I applied for a business loan, and they said no.

What the hell, man? That bank gives out loans all the time. And cash, too. Hell, that bank has a drive-thru, where people just grab money and go.

That bank was open every single weekday, nine to five, handing out loans, dispensing cash, making change—but not to me. And why? I’m just as good as any of those other assholes. In fact, I’m better, because I respect money. I don’t just throw it around—I’m careful about when I use it, and where, and why. I’m responsible, and I should be a valued customer. I don’t deserve that kind of treatment.

A loan isn’t a gift, it’s a business agreement. It benefits both parties, right? I didn’t want to steal anything, I just wanted that bank to hold up its end of the agreement. I mean, they said I would probably be eligible, and that’s a verbal contract. So, since that bank wouldn’t just give me the loan like I asked, I went and took it.

Don’t give me that look. You’d do the same thing if you got screwed over like that.

I went to the bank, and I walked up to the teller, and I passed her a piece of paper that said I had a gun. I wrote the amount of money I wanted—the money I was owed—and then she gave me the money, and I ran off.

She told the cops who I was, and about my note. But come on—I didn’t really have a gun. I was just kidding. And again, that was my money. I had tried to negotiate with that bank before, and they had said no, so clearly the next step was to negotiate more forcefully. That’s how business works!

I feel sad, though, because that bank and I will probably never rekindle the loving relationship we once had. I just wish that bank hadn’t been so stubborn and uncommunicative. But hey, I’m sure the jury will be able to see where I’m coming from—it was nothing but a series of unfortunate misunderstandings.

Now I just need to find a new bank.

Twitter and Texting Are Not Destroying the English Language, Srsly Get Over It

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Man, I am really sick of hearing about how social media and texting are destroying the language and stuff. It raises so many questions for me. Questions like, have abbreviations ever caused the disintegration of a language? Did acronyms put Latin in a coma? And how exactly does a language fall apart, anyway? I mean, sure, they sometimes die out, but that’s not “destruction,” that’s a slow slipping into obsolescence. The idea that the English language is being ZOMG destroyed! gives me some fun imagery (sword-wielding verbs, crushed by the numbers-turned-letters 2 and 4), but it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. (Disclaimer: I don’t mean to erase those languages that have been systematically destroyed by genocide, like many Native American languages; however, that’s markedly different from the ridiculous notion that languages can be destroyed simply through change.)

I also take issue with the idea that confining one’s ideas to less than 200 characters is easy, because, no—it’s fucking hard to be concise. I would actually argue that effective tweeting and texting require a higher level of literacy, because you need to have a solid understanding of the language before you can abridge it. For example: I work once with a week with a delightful student who has several LDs. He’s very smart, but struggles with reading and writing, so we spend most of our sessions working on just getting his ideas down. He says he doesn’t use Facebook regularly because he has difficulty composing status updates that are clear and concise, and that he often finds Facebook and other social media sites intimidating for that reason. Which makes sense, because having to confine your thoughts to such a small space requires a pretty in-depth understanding of the language. Pithy witticisms are not easily composed, after all.

And, since you usually aren’t able to use italics or bold on Twitter or in texting, the format forces you to convey tone through the words themselves. Social media and texting steal some of the most common linguistic crutches and force you to pay more attention to what you’re writing. Which is actually kind of awesome.

And yes, sometimes people allow textspeak to spill over into other forms of communication, but that doesn’t signal The End of the English Language. Languages have different registers for a reason, and the people who write 4ever in e-mails to their bosses aren’t necessarily Language Ignorant, they just don’t understand how registers work, which is a social problem, not a language problem.

Basically, I am just sick of this freak-out over how the media ruinz the language and Twitter makes us stupid and what about the children?! Conflating illiteracy with textspeak is problematic for, um, a lot of reasons, not least because it suggests a pretty offensive misunderstanding of what illiteracy actually is. And if you’re really that concerned about the children not being able to write good, pin the blame where it really belongs—on the tragically low standards set for undergraduate education majors, on the terrible teaching salaries that drive competent people into other disciplines, on the lack of adequate funding for public education, etc.

‘Cause like, language changes and stuff. It grows  like creeping fucking jenny.

Also, here is a recipe for awesome frosting:

2 sticks unsalted butter, softened

1 13 oz. jar Nutella

½ cup Marshmallow Fluff

2 cups confectioner’s sugar

Vanilla if you want it

Heavy cream to consistency

Mix like normal.