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My Cryptic Rant

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You know, I’m starting to think that the majority of people just don’t understand what free speech is. Tell someone to stop harassing you? You’re suppressing their speech. Deny someone the right to pontificate on one particular forum, after giving them numerous warnings about the kind of behavior you will and will not tolerate? You just kicked the first amendment right in the balls. Criticize someone for saying stupid shit with no supporting evidence? Oh, you clearly only support free speech if you agree with the arguments being presented.

Seriously now, freedom of speech does not equal freedom from criticism. You don’t get to make asinine, unsupported claims, and then bitch when someone points out that you’re being an idiot. Actually, by trying to shut those people down, you are attempting to suppress their free speech. All aboard the hypocrisy train!

And also, I mean, come on. So you’re not allowed to spew your bullshit on one forum. That doesn’t mean you can’t spew at all. The world is full of soap boxes; just find another, and make stupid comments from there. If you harass people on one forum, even going so far as to say that we should feel “threatened” by you and your big scary business major man brain, you have lost your right to speak on that forum. And if you are banned from a forum for being a harassing piece of shit, don’t up the ante by harassing the person who banned you through private messages.

Man, what an asshole.

The rest of you morons—stop making us repeat ourselves. We have stated the same facts over, and over, and over again, and still you’re bouncing up and down and yelling “I don’t understaaaaand.” Well then, you’re either an idiot, or you’re not listening, or both; either way, it is not our fucking problem. And don’t play devil’s advocate. It’s an insult to the people who actually give a shit about the proposal being disputed.

Stop being all, “the administration has an open door communication policy! Why didn’t you take advantage of it before?” We didn’t take advantage of it before because we didn’t know we needed to. These decisions were made behind closed doors; did you really expect us to magically intuit what was happening? We were quick to become involved once the information was made public. What more could you possibly expect?

If you don’t know what an ad hominem attack is, don’t accuse us of making them.

Don’t ask us to prove the value of the humanities to you. I, for one, refuse to do it—it should be a given, and if you honestly don’t believe they’re worth protecting, we’re never going to convince you to join our side anyway. I will say this, though: I’m seeing a troubling tendency to prioritize athletics over academics, and that’s a bunch of bullshit. I mean, personally, I think athletes are a drain on society—they contribute nothing to the world beyond entertainment, and they make an absurd amount of money to do so. Athletes are just entertainers with impressive bodies, and that’s fine—people like to be entertained, and performers naturally have the right to profit from that—but there is no way in hell they should make as much money as they do. Everyone has the right to live comfortably, including athletes and other performers, but they shouldn’t be making any more money than someone who works for, say, Greenpeace. So.

Colleges exist to educate people, and prioritizing athletics over academics is a disgusting maneuver (which shouldn’t need to be said, but there you are). And please, news reporters, represent our positions correctly. Please mention the exorbitant amount of money being funneled into the new NCAA program at the expense of the humanities. This isn’t a budget crisis—it’s completely manufactured, and is a clear attempt to crush the liberal arts further. Which violates our goddamn mission statement anyway.

Seriously you guys, this shit is fucking exhausting.


About Paprika

Paprika Davis is a perpetually annoyed twenty-something college student waitress who would rather be a squirrel. The lack of commas in the previous sentence bothers her, but her laziness overrides her desire to improve the writing.

4 responses »

  1. I will be Forever Perplexed by the perpetual confusion about the function of the Bill of Rights. People don’t ever seem to remember that the First Amendment prohibits the restriction of their speech, religion, etc…. by the government. But I as a private citizen in my own private forum? I can suppress your speech within that forum all I want. Why do people never get the difference?

  2. Word up. Requiring facts, civility and logic is not a violation of free speech. As for favoring athletes, well, Idiocracy is not a comedy.

  3. “I think athletes are a drain on society—they contribute nothing to the world beyond entertainment, and they make an absurd amount of money to do so.”

    YES! Oh, so good to find someone who feels the same…

  4. Maybe it’s just me, but that didn’t seem especially cryptic. Granted, I don’t know what particular situation sparked it, but it’s common and very valid set of complaints.


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